Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Family Relations

I had to venture out to Los Angeles on business last week, and got some interesting “holla” from several of the men in my hotel. The majority of the “holla” came from dudes who ain’t worth mentioning, but there was one fella in particular who’s severe lack of game qualifies him for a brief post.

During one of the conference meeting sessions, the fire alarm went off, sending my group of about 90 participants outside to brave the elements. After a couple of minutes, we realized we had a false alarm and proceeded in a mass retreat back to our meeting room. As I was heading up the stairs, I heard, “Excuse me, Miss.”

“Hi,” I said as I turned to face this okay-looking brother decked out in hip hop gear and a baseball cap turned to the back.

“I don’t have a date for dinner tonight, and I was wondering if you would consider going out with me.”

Well, damn, how’s that for bold! He doesn’t give a shit what my name is, but he’s already convinced I should be by his side at dinner. It was an intriguing proposition, but for all the wrong reasons. So, I said…

“Well, I appreciate you asking, but I’m afraid I have to decline. I’m here on business, and already have a prior engagement this evening.”

Now, he must have missed all of that, because his next response was…

“I don’t have a date for dinner tonight, and I was wondering if you would be my date.”

Okay, damn. I thought we just covered that…

“I’m sorry. I appreciate you asking me, but unfortunately, I already have plans for dinner.” Notice the slight tweak in my language. I thought maybe that would do the trick. I was already starting to get strange looks from my peers who were wondering why this guy was keeping me from our interrupted meeting.

“Well, what about tomorrow night?”

“Unfortunately, I’m leaving first thing in the morning.”

“Oh, you don’t have to leave. I can pay for your room for the weekend.”

Oh yeah…like I’m just going to change all my travel plans to have dinner with some fool I don’t even know who still hadn’t bothered to ask my name.

“Well, that’s sweet of you, but unfortunately, I have to get back home first thing tomorrow.”

But, Brotha Man wasn’t trying to hear any of that.

“But, I’m Russell Simmons brother,” he said proudly like it was some rare badge of honor.

Was that supposed to be my cue to take off my thong and toss it at him as a promise of great things to come? This was truly a first. I have never had a dude try to woo me by announcing family relations like they should make any difference at all. Was he mistaking my business suit for a chickenhead uniform? Maybe this dude had me confused with Lil’ Kim’s cousin.

“Oh really! Well, that’s nice. But like I said before, I have dinner plans tonight and will be leaving in the morning. I hope you have a wonderful time anyway. I’ve got to get back to my meeting. See ya!”

And with that, I walked away.

What a joke! Will the real men of the world please stand up and show the rest of the knuckleheads how it’s supposed to be done! Cause I’ve had more than my fair share of these tired fools!

Now that I think about it though…he did kind of look like Russell Simmons...


At 11:57 AM, Blogger Jdid said...

damn girl you could be rolling in baby phat if you had hooked up with a brother, lol

by the way did I mention that I'm jay z's second cousin's sister in law's nephew's baby momma's uncle twice removed :-)

At 12:36 PM, Blogger JustMe said...

Jdid--you totally crack me up. I am starting to wonder whether I missed the boat, cause he really did look like Russell Simmons. But either way, his game was less than adequate, and Lord knows, I can do bad by myself.

I always love your comments... :-)

At 4:14 PM, Blogger o said...

That *igga really needs to check himself. As if you're supposed to grovel at his feet because he's Yoda's brother. PAH.

At 6:23 PM, Blogger Urban Sista said...

That was too funny. It always seems like those things happen in professional settings? Don't the dudes not see that you're working? But they have to come with the foolishness. At least your loverboy didn't start screaming, "miss, miss! What yo' name is?" Ugh.

At 4:19 PM, Blogger Matt the Hat said...

Is this a US thing or am I still concussed.

At 8:39 PM, Blogger Alicia said...

Men don't get it sometimes but I find a woman always knows who to... maybe I should save that for another time.

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