Wednesday, July 21, 2004

On Relationships: Why Do I Have to Wait?

My Girl and I were out shopping, and she was telling me about this guy she wanted to hook me up with. He sounded good on paper, and she described his character to be quite decent. So, I’m calculating the potential secretly in my head. Lord knows I am overdue for a quality relationship with a strong Black man. What she was describing sounded good to me, and she made a pretty good reference based on what I knew about her standards. So, me and Dude hook up. 

The date is lovely. Nice food, good conversation, lots of puppy-love eye contact, sexual tension…you know where I’m going here. He was single and not even dating a little bit. Social calendar clean as a whistle. Wanted all the same shit I wanted. So, when the date is over, we go back to my place supposedly to partake in some “herbalities.” Well, we actually do handle the herb, but we also handle our “business.” And it was great. We made plans for the remainder of that weekend.
 
So, I call Little Miss Matchmaker the next day to give her the low down. She just flat out asks me, “Did you give him some?” I’m grown, and she is my friend…so I said yes. She about flipped out with all this Scarlet O’Hara babbling about how I should wait to give up the pum-pum and not give Dude too much too fast. About how giving it up too quickly might make Dude get too comfortable. He might stop thinking he has to work to keep me. Basically, the whole relationship might just get shitty from this point. 

And I got a problem with that. Now, I love my friend dearly, but I need to draw a line. 

When I had sex with Dude, I did it because I wanted to. There was no ulterior motive behind it. I was feeling him and I went for it. I did it to satisfy me, not him. I don’t use the coochie as a tool of munipulation. I use it as an instrument to please me. Don’t get it twisted. 

I understand what she was trying to say, and I know she was trying to look out for me. But I have a problem with this outdated thinking about what is sexually acceptable for men as opposed to women. In this situation, Dude is probably considered a player by most standards. He scored.
 
However, according to the traditional rules, I lowered myself. Now, he doesn’t have to treat me like a lady anymore.
 
So, I guess if I had waited a month to give him some, it just would have taken that long for things to go from sugar to shit. I would have had a great relationship for a little while and then it would be over. And I’d just be horny and upset.
 
Well, I say if he’s going to act like an ass, it’s better to find out sooner than later. And I also propose these new guidelines: 

  • Men who declare women who sleep with them “too soon” as whores must also declare themselves the same, if not worse. They, unlike the women in the situation, are knowingly associating their bodies with someone they think is not worthy of their affection. To me, that makes them flat out trifling and immoral! It also implies that they must have low opinions of themselves.
  • People must open their minds to the possibility that women like me just might want to get some too, and don’t want to wait. Hell, I’m in my 30s. This is my prime…and I’m gonna get mine!
  • As grown folks, we must stop playing these silly dating games and abiding by these dumb ass rules. I say, do what you feel when you feel it. If you can look at yourself comfortably in the mirror the next morning, then who gives a yah-hoo what anybody else thinks? 

I was able to explain a little of this to My Girl, and I think she understood my point. Me and Dude have another date this weekend, and as far as the pum-pum goes…all I can say is that he’s still loving it. And it’s been several months now.

13 Comments:

At 4:59 PM, Blogger Cupcake Man said...

brilliantly articulated. funny too. i agree with just about everything you say. best of luck in future posts!

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger Cupcake Man said...

brilliantly articulated. funny too. i agree with just about everything you say. best of luck in future posts!

 
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